I think Stand up to Cancer put me in mind of my father -Sept. 2008

Which is appropriate because next month will be the 10th anniversary of his death six days after surgery to remove esophageal cancer.  I actually had to turn the TV to something else for awhile.  It's not that I don't applaud the effort...I do.  It's just that I was having to recall a time of acute stress and suffering.  And I didn't wanna...because it's in our DNA to not give up hope on someone's health, especially when that person shares your own DNA.  But sometimes life just ebbs away and you have to resign yourself to it, because it pulls you nose to nose with your own mortality and when that soul is gone you are left like a crushed can waiting to be recycled.

He never got to walk me down the aisle.

But I can cook.  My dad was a great cook.  In fact last night I undertook Operation Barbeque Sauce.  I put my pan on the stove and added the ingredients on the back of the bottle of Lefty's.  I had a glass of water for clearing my palate and tasting each in turn.  During OBS I discovered that there *is*  EUREKA!  a secret ingredient.  My concoction is pretty darn close to Lefty's and really good in its own right because I tried it on a pulled pork sandwich.

Last night I had quite a few dreams.  Nothing like a hardy tangible one with good construction right before waking, more nebulous and throughout the night but definitely taking place in Europe and with my father present.  I loved living in Europe.  It was nice to go back.

I don't want to live in a world of Murphy's lawlessness - Nov. 2008

An ad on TV is hawking PRE-LIT Christmas trees.

Villainy, I say.  Nearly blasphemous.

For, if your tree is pre-lit, you are denied the unparalleled experience of detangling strands of lights which, although they were inert in a closet for 11 months, have developed knots a sailor would be proud of.

Your tree will be composed of branches from which ornaments dangle.  You won't have branches and an obvious network of green cord that you've tried to tuck into the foliage to no avail.  If you're like me, you sometimes hang ornaments FROM the light cords.

And most of all, you will miss the penultimate tree-trimming treat:  When you're winding the fifith strand of lights on the tree and suddenly the second strand goes black and will not re-light, forcing you to either detangle the lights you've added in order to get to the second strand, or to simply recover that area with a working strand of lights thereby giving yourself more cord to hang ornaments on.

Pre-lit trees?  Anathema to me.

Is that nostalgia I smell? Dec. 2008

You know what was a really good invention?  Christmas tree light strings that stay lit even when one bulb dies. 

Remember when the lights were roundly conical, screwed into the sockets and got REALLY hot?    It was the late 60's and through the 70's.

Oh the fun of sitting in the living room of an evening enjoying the tree until you finally had to say, "Dad...I smell something funny burning."

Then Dad would run to the wall, unplug the socket and look for the bulb that was turning the socket brownish, to replace it with a bulb that wasn't going to burst into flame?

The 70's was a decade fraught with disco and danger.

When blondes cook - Feb. 2008

I haven't made fresh salsa for quite awhile, but I really love it, so I decided to make it for the Super Bowl.  It's always better after it sits, so I decided to put it together tonight.  When I make bruschetta, I like it chunky, so I generally put all the onion, garlic, olive oil, salt, balsamic and basil in the food processor with around seven grape tomatoes to liquify so I can taste it and adjust, knowing that it's going to get a bunch more tomato.

I used the same method for the salsa, in with the cilantro and garlic and onion and salt, tomatoes and liquefy.   Then I put a teeny spoonful in my mouth to taste.  Split second!  I realize I've got two concentrated, pureed jalapenos in there.  Just about as the mix lodged behind my uvula and caught fire.  I saw mauve.


I did a one-footed dance thinking, "I'm a gringa, help me Jesus!"  I saw my glass of water on the counter and remembered that it's MILK that helps the burning.

I downed some milk because my ancestors lived on icebergs where no peppers grew and the salsa is done now...and tastes good, but my eyes are red, my nose is running and my sinuses are still humming a mariachi tune.

Will I make THAT mistake again?  50/50 odds, actually.

My marketing genius - March 2008

So, I'm hearing a lot about this transition to HDTV and it's my understanding that it's going to make rabbit-ear antennas on the TV tops obsolete.  What is going to happen to all those antennas?

I have an idea.  Look how they extend and retract.  Sometimes you get an itch that you can't reach.  Well, all you would do is extend the antenna and scratch it while also recycling and saving the planet.

For obvious reasons, I would like to market them as the iScratch.  I'm calling Trump.

The negative side of being a polygamist. May 2008

Can you imagine all of your wives having PMS at the same time?  You'd have to come home with a three pound Hershey bar, throw it into the living room to distract them and race to lock yourself in the bedroom until it's over.  Then you'd have to have little chocolate bars to slide under the door to prevent them from breaking it down.

"You like Sadie better than me!"

*chocolate bar*

"Fido pooped in the neighbor's yard again and I'm not cleaning it up this time!"

*chocolate bar*

"Fido almost ate that chocolate bar.  What are you trying to do, kill the dog?"

*chocolate bar*

"Jebediah wants to be a Rockette!  You talk to him!"

*chocolate bar*

"I'm not shaving above the knee anymore!"

*chocolate bar*

"Is it SO much to ask to get some new material for these God awful dresses?"

*chocolate bar*

Me and Mom in matching outfits.

To be honest...things like this ... probably why I don't enjoy sewing.

Mom went Eliza Doolittle here.  I'm happy I was spared the hat, though.