Monday, October 10, 2011

I think Stand up to Cancer put me in mind of my father -Sept. 2008

Which is appropriate because next month will be the 10th anniversary of his death six days after surgery to remove esophageal cancer.  I actually had to turn the TV to something else for awhile.  It's not that I don't applaud the effort...I do.  It's just that I was having to recall a time of acute stress and suffering.  And I didn't wanna...because it's in our DNA to not give up hope on someone's health, especially when that person shares your own DNA.  But sometimes life just ebbs away and you have to resign yourself to it, because it pulls you nose to nose with your own mortality and when that soul is gone you are left like a crushed can waiting to be recycled.

He never got to walk me down the aisle.

But I can cook.  My dad was a great cook.  In fact last night I undertook Operation Barbeque Sauce.  I put my pan on the stove and added the ingredients on the back of the bottle of Lefty's.  I had a glass of water for clearing my palate and tasting each in turn.  During OBS I discovered that there *is*  EUREKA!  a secret ingredient.  My concoction is pretty darn close to Lefty's and really good in its own right because I tried it on a pulled pork sandwich.

Last night I had quite a few dreams.  Nothing like a hardy tangible one with good construction right before waking, more nebulous and throughout the night but definitely taking place in Europe and with my father present.  I loved living in Europe.  It was nice to go back.

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