Saturday, July 23, 2011

Some observances over a few days. May 28, 2009

I had to go and get my driver's licence renewed.  I thought they expired every five years, but they expire every four years and I'm willing to bet they used to last FIVE years until someone said, "We could generate XXXXXXXXXXXXX amount of revenue if we make licences last four years as opposed to five."

So, the guy I approached at the DMV was wearing a beret, and doing a crossword and he looked like Conrad Bain from "Different Strokes".  He did not smile and he spoke in a monotone.  He asked me all the questions and then had me step over to the machine to test my vision.  I had never done this before.  Really.

I looked into the machine as he said, emotionlessly, "Read the top line."  I said, "I can't see anything."  He said, "Activate the machine by pressing your forehead against it."

So, I pressed, and there appeared four lines of numbers.

THE TOP LINE WAS REALLY ITTY BITTY.  So I had the interior monologue, you know.  "Oh $hit!  My vision is failing.  I'll squint but they are" then out loud, "Four, eight, six?"

Then he said, "How 'bout I use the right slide?"  And the machine changed to a new screen and the letters were MUCH bigger and I read them with ease and now I wonder if he is just slightly sadistic.

My niece talked me into getting a pedicure.  It's not that I'm at all self-conscious about my feet.  My feet are great.  It just seems really indulgent to have somene else do what you are capable of doing yourself.  I know that's the point.  I never said my brain worked correctly.

I picked out a bright, but not garish rose-colored polish and then the woman ran the water and told me to put my feet in.  The water was coldish.  I said so.  She stuck her hand in and said, "You think?"  I still put my feet in and said, "It's ok."

There's a massager in the chair, too.  You can make your butt vibrate.  The shiatzu function on the lower back nearly pushes you out of the chair.  But who knows how to work all those buttons.  I just pressed them until something, but not too much, was happening.

She reached in the water to start on my feet and said, "Oh, water IS cold!"  Then she did all the things they do for a pedicure.  I would give details but you don't need them.  At one point she was knocking on my shin bones so hard I am still worried I will have bruises for my cousin's wedding.

When it came time to do the polish she said, "You want decoration, like flower?"  I said, "No, thank you."  She said, "You booooooooooooring."

I said, "I'm ooooooooooooooold."

I have pink toes without decoration.

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